Regretful
by cyndaquilka
Summary: Riza Hawkeye is Colonel Mustang's personal adjutant and bodyguard. She is also the first person he calls when his world is falling apart.


"Riza Hawkeye speaking."

"Hey, it's me," she heard a soft, but very sad voice at another end of the receiver. Surprisingly, this time it wasn't followed by a usual "what are you wearing?" There was a long silence instead.

"Sir, did something happen?"

"Could you come by for a while?" Mustang asked quickly, as if he was worried something bad would happen if he wasted another second.

"You know it's getting late, don't you?" she made him notice instead of answering. After the amount of time that passed was long enough for her to consider asking if the caller was still there, the man replied with a quiet "Yeah."

Riza closed her eyes for a moment. It's been less than an hour since she returned home. All she managed to do was eat dinner and change her clothes to walk Hayate. At first, she wanted to point out that they agreed not to meet today and hang up, but there was something about his voice that simply wouldn't let her. She sighed.

"I'm on my way."

The knock on the door to Mustang's apartment traveled hollowly around the room. There was no indication of any movement inside. Thinking the colonel is probably taking a shower, the lieutenant unleashed the dog and let herself in with a spare key.

"Hello," she shouted after getting in. As no response came, Riza hang her coat on a hook next to the entrance, took off her shoes and followed Hayate to check the living room.

"You're here, lieutenant," Roy had noticed her presence before she could see him sitting on the couch, a bottle of whisky in one hand, Black Hayate's head in another. "I'm glad."

The woman got a little surprised. Any time she and the colonel could get some privacy, they had been calling each other by their first names. Obviously, it was hard to be sure that nobody was listening to their conversations on the street or in the office, but the interior of either one's apartment was a completely different story. That's the place where they were able to drop the formal procedures. So, why was the colonel acting weirdly? Were they not alone? She looked around, but couldn't spot anyone besides the three of them. Assuming that her friend had his reasons, she decided to play his game while being cautious.

"Why didn't you answer the door, colonel?"

"You had a key."

Riza sighed. That wasn't the answer she was expecting, but she didn't feel like dwelling on the subject. She went around the piece of furniture to sit next to him.

"You shouldn't drink alone, you know?" She pointed out. Mustang tilted the bottle.

"That's why I called for company."

"Since when am I a better drinking buddy than Havoc?" Hawkeye asked, remembering Jean as the only member of the crew wishing to go out for a beer at any given opportunity.

The alchemist's face remained stern.

"Riza, I need to tell you something," said Roy, avoiding her gaze.

"What is it?" she asked, suddenly anxious.

"Something bad happened to our friend" was all Mustang could made himself say.

"When?" the lieutenant asked without thinking. "I talked to Havoc on my way out of the office. He seemed fine."

"I'm not talking about Havoc!"

It was unusual for the colonel to raise his voice. That's probably why he felt guilty afterwards. Obviously, Hawkeye couldn't had known what her superior was trying to tell her. This fact didn't make breaking the bad news any easier. The colonel put his head into his hand.

"It's Hughes," he continued with difficulty. "He's… dead."

When Roy finally forced himself to look at Riza, her face was white and pinched. He couldn't blame her. He reacted just the same.

The colonel didn't hear a word, but he could swear that she mouthed "Oh my god…". Unable to break the silence, the man gave Hawkeye the bottle he was squeezing unconsciously for the entire conversation. She took it, drunk a few gulps and placed it on the table.

"Roy," her voice was shaking. She was devastated, but knew it was nothing compared to his grief. For her Maes was just a friend. For Roy he was a brother he never had. "I'm so sorry."

Riza embraced Mustang tightly. She wanted to comfort him, to ease his pain, unsure how the man was going to react. It took a while, but he returned the hug.

"Someone shot him when he tried to call me," the man started to explain. His heart was beating rapidly, although he tried very hard not to show his emotions. "I'm such a fool…"

"What do you mean?" asked Hawkeye, pulling away enough to see her friend's face.

"The line was blank. He might be still alive," answered Roy, sounding even more self‑accusing than he did the night following his master's death. Riza could feel Mustang's hands clenching on her back. "If I'd known..."

The woman moved one of her hands to touch his hair, then lowered herself a bit to force eye contact.

"But you couldn't have, Roy," the blonde almost syllabled every word when the dark-haired man finally looked at her. She was trying her best to sound convincing. "There was no way you could have."

The colonel lowered his eyes with a face even sadder than before. He calmed down, though.

"I know," he admitted. "But I can't let myself make the same mistake again."

Black Hayate must have got tired with a lack of attention, as he pushed his head between the pair. His master wanted to chase him away, but Mustang had scratched the dog behind the ear before she had the chance.

"Does the military have any suspects?" asked Hawkeye after the tension had dropped.

"Not yet."

Seeing the colonel wasn't in the mood to talk, she decided not to push it. There was one more question that needed to be asked, though.

"When's the funeral?"

"I don't know," answered Roy, watching as the pup went to sleep under the table. "Will you come with me?"

The female soldier smiled lightly.

"You know I will. You don't need to ask."

Hearing the statement, Mustang leaned forward to kiss her gently. He was grateful he hadn't been left alone with his problems. The thoughts of one of his closest friends getting killed in a cold blood were unbearable. The alcohol helped at first, but he didn't drink much, waiting for the lieutenant to show up. Her presence distracted him just as much.

The colonel kept his mind busy with Riza. As she returned the kiss, he placed both hands on her neck, musing the blonde's cheeks with his thumbs. Then, he moved lower. His fingers wandered around her shoulders, on her back and down the spine. When he reached her hips, he pulled the woman onto his laps, to which she didn't protest. With Hawkeye's arms on his shoulders, Mustang circled his around the woman's waist and kissed her again, this time much deeper than before.

Then, suddenly, he stopped.

"Riza, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be using you like this," whispered Roy into her neck. "Forgive me."

"What?" Hawkeye asked, surprised with his words. "Why? I'm not following."

The man embraced her tightly, apparently unable to look the lieutenant in the eyes while explaining himself.

"I shouldn't make love to you only to forget about Hughes. I apologize."

The lieutenant was stunned. She remained speechless for a few moments, although she knew she probably should have said something.

Anything.

Nothing was coming to her mind, though. It's not like a woman gets to hear this kind of a statement everyday. The last thing she wanted to do right now was hurting the man's feelings. Telling him she didn't mind would do no good.

Suddenly, she knew exactly what to say. Riza whispered into Mustang's ear one simple question.

"You still love me, don't you?"

She could feel his muscles flexing. Unsure of what his subordinate was up to, Roy answered with caution,

"Of course I do. How could you even ask?"

"That's a sufficient reason to continue, don't you think?" asked Hawkeye musing his ear with her lips.

She was right, of course. He knew she still wanted them to be careful. But he needed her closure now too much to argue. In the past, now and later. That's probably what made him ask,

"Promise you will never leave me."

This was a silly demand, even if they once agreed that never meant not an eternity, but a lifetime. He must have known that, too. Which meant all he needed right now was a reassurance, even a naive one she could never keep.

"I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
